Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
