AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
