I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
