You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
