yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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