I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
