oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
