Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
