She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
