Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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