i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
