Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
