who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
