i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
