So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
