You can't special order awesome
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
