Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
