its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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