living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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