what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
