I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
