It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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