i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
