I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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