just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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