my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think a kid would responsible me up
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
pray to the hookup gods
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
