I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
