I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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