She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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