hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
