On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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