Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
