the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
