Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
