I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
