You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
