we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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