he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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