haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
