I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i think my cat just said my name.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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