I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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