when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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