:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
