New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Ketchup is God's man juice
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
