I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
