Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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