these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
