nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
