This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
