I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
