I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
