Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Michael Bay diarrhea
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
