He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
