my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
