Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
PANTIES FOUND
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
