proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
