After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
