She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
