he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
True strength comes from lack of pants
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
